So I really wanted to blog yesterday…however, I was swamped with work and work. Today, I wanted to chill and finally I have some time to just zone out. I did my morning walk that lasted for 30 minutes and somehow I hope that helped in making my baby position herself in my tummy. Seriously, she needs to be prepared for her descent to exit my body.
I wne to the doctor last Wednesday and since I had some tiny smears of blood on my underwear, she gave me an internal exam which took me by surprise. Because it was just unexpected and I wasn’t ready for the assault, I guess.
My previous OBGyn was a woman who was very patient with me and everytime she gave me an internal exam, she was patient and she always make me comfortable.
My new OBGyn now is quite abrupt. She just did it so fast and kept on scolding me because I was tensing up and kept on raising my pelvis off the bed. She told me if I do that, I might crush my baby’s head. 
I am now more scared than ever. What if I do something wrong while I’m giving birth? I have no idea when to push or whatever that means. They all just tell me that there is no pain like giving birth. Crap. Serious crap. I am so terrified of the whole ordeal that I am partially glad I’m not yet in labor. Although, I am feeling oh so uncomfortable already. I mean, my baby is getting bigger and heavier each day. She also made me lose my balance more than once already.
So what has been going through my head is the pain of labor, the money it will cost me, when will it all start and how I can juggle all that with work. Oh, and the cravings I get now for all the things I love and are forbidden to eat…CHOCOLATES!!!! Every CHOCOLATE stuff you can thing of, I WANT!!!
It is getting harder to control my love for it. Sigh.
Now I go and hopefully, on my next check up on the 18th, everything will be well and ready for Heaven Anthony’s arrival. I actually want to name her Heaven Rogue Anthony…might be too long, right?
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